Today’s topic:

Saboteur #1 — Unbridled Self-Expression

(Part 1)

When you and your spouse are fighting, and you don’t know the ‘what’ behind the 'why' . . .  check to see which of the 7 relationship saboteurs is triggering you.

In today’s blog, we’ll look at how unbridled self-expression manifests, what it looks like and implies, and how this relationship saboteur justifies its actions. Finally, we’ll look at what’s being triggered within you.

Next month, we’ll explore solutions and discuss the importance of having a marriage credo. We’ll also look at how being triggered can be a transformative moment for yourself and within your marriage as a sacred act.

If this is your first time reading our 7 Relationship Saboteurs mini-series, you’ll want to get up to speed on this transformative information by reading about it here.

Relationship Saboteur # 1 — Unbridled Self-Expression

Unbridled self-expression means venting how hurt, angry, or outraged you feel at your spouse.

1. How it manifests

• Being a jerk.

• Making it about your spouse and their shortcomings.

• Repeatedly rehashing the past instead of focusing on the current issue.

• Spewing forth and complaining without any real direction.

• Tit-for-tat exchange of barbs.

• Vomiting grievance onto your spouse.

2. What it looks like

• Accusation

• Anger

• Rage

Terry Real calls it “becoming your feelings” and directing that tornado of energy at your partner.

3. What it implies

• You’re at fault.

• You’re responsible.

• You’re to blame.

4. How it justifies its actions

• “I’m just keeping it real, babe.”

• “I have a right to express myself.”

5. What’s being triggered within you

The part triggered is an old emotional injury from the past that’s remained frozen. It’s triggering you now so you can examine the wound and evolve past it into the wise adult you’re meant to be.

Next month, we’ll explore solutions to this relationship saboteur and talk about the importance of having a marriage credo. We’ll also look at how triggering can be a transformative moment for yourself and within your marriage as a sacred act.

In the meantime, if you’re dealing with a spouse acting out unbridled self-expression and you’d like some support, I'm here for you.