How to Survive Holiday Conflict

Welcome to our Marriage War and Peace blog for December!
With Veronica L. Nabizadeh

Welcome to The Marriage War and Peace Blog—your monthly dose of real talk, relationship insight, and gentle reminders that peace is possible (even when it feels like you’re living on a battlefield). If a friend forwarded this, you can subscribe here to get my free monthly emails.

From The Battle-Weary Wife’s Deck of Strength and Wisdom

Why do the holidays—meant to be joyful—so often turn into an emotional battlefield?

Every year, I picture cinnamon candles, cozy sweaters, and laughter around the table. But somewhere between school drop-offs, deadlines, and family expectations, that peace starts slipping away. By Thanksgiving, the quiet joy I imagined turns into background static—a low hum of stress I barely notice until it explodes.

It usually happens like this: my husband’s watching TV, I’m juggling a dozen to-dos, and I ask him to help with one small thing. He forgets. He smiles and says, “Wanna watch TV with me?”—and suddenly, my thoughts are shouting: He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t care. It’s all on me.

That’s how disconnection starts—not with words, but with the story we tell ourselves about the moment.

So how do I shift from reacting to reconnecting?

I Stop. Literally. And catch the static before it becomes a storm.
I Drop into my body, take a few deep breaths, and ask myself:
Are you tired? Thirsty? What are you really feeling right now?

Then I Roll into self-love—because when I care for me, I create space for us.

Neuroscience shows that the initial chemical surge of an emotion runs its course in about 60 to 90 seconds unless our thoughts keep fueling it (Psychology Today). So, I give myself that minute of grace—to breathe, to soften, to choose peace.

Within moments, I see my husband again, not as the problem but as my partner. I accept his invitation to sit beside him. The tree can wait; peace can’t.

That’s when the holidays really begin—not when everything’s perfect, but when the energy between us is.

If you want to read more about another way to Stop, Drop, and Roll during the holidays—so you can survive holiday conflict—read about it here.

This Month’s Peace Practice

Take five mindful minutes before the holiday swirl begins:

1. Preview the pressure points.
   Mentally walk through a few likely scenarios—the tricky conversations, the familiar triggers, the people who test your patience. Awareness is preparation.
   

2. Run a Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! ® on each one.

• Stop: Pause before the comeback. Breathe.

• Drop: Release the expectation that anyone else will make you feel better. This is your superpower.

• Roll: Choose a centering move—take a walk, pull a card from your favorite angel or Wisdom Deck, or jot a few lines in your journal. Then return as your wise, loving adult self.